I had all good intentions of using the clock change for the best, being up early and going for a run. It didn’t happen, ended up eating 3 slices of Nutella on toast instead! Well, it is Easter!
Drastic difference to yesterday and the day before; I was as gloomy as the weather. The great fog of nothing had descended and I was otherwise occupied for the rest of the day. It’s a horrible feeling when you have a toddler bouncing off the walls! You just can’t cope, whatever coping is. You switch onto auto pilot, functional level: bare minimal. Your tether ends after approximately 2mm. Balancing on the snapable edge of a cliff, the monster toddler seems to know exactly what to do and how to go about pushing you off that clifftop. Spilling his non spillable drink, refusing his lunch that your microwave spent all of 40 seconds heating, falling over, crying, sudden inability to entertain himself. Then you stress and begin worrying, questioning what and why, the effect it’s having on the monster child. Is he going to be scarred for life by my dipping in and out of emotional stability? Doubting if you are ever made for mummyhood when you just want to sit in a dark cupboard and cry all day.
Anyway…It gets darker and gloomier and more horrendous, but that’s not what I’m here for at the moment.
So this morning, something has changed. The weight has lifted (not literally, if 2 stone could lift that easily I would be estatic!), i’ve seen the light – opened the blackout blinds, am I missing any more euphemisms? I’ve been pulled back to “normality” whatever that is. Little monster probably still as much of a monster as yesterday, but instead of adding to my despair it’s met with my ‘Ah typical clumsy you’ face and a little smirk. E.g he tripped over his own feet very dramatically and knocked my whole plate of toast on he floor. I just laughed, it was funny.
Now excuse me, after 3 days of being vacant i need to wash! The ability to resume normal monster child and monster mummy life continues.