I am the reason why I’m wobbly.

“Oh don’t worry you’ll snap back!”
“The weight will just drop off you!”

Yeah, nearly 2 years on I’m still waiting for the snapping back to occur. After filling my instagram feed with leith, bronzed, Victoria secret esque ladies (this seems to describe every Australian woman on instagram!), eating rainbow meals with ingredients I’ve never heard of. It even drove me to eat a doughnut, or 5, if there’s no evidence it didn’t happen right?! Talk about comfort eating! Anyway, they are all 20 years young and fitness coaches, completely desirable but completely impossible bodies. Just you wait till you gain 4 stone growing a baby hippo for 40 weeks of the year! It’s the moment your toddler wobbles your arms or slaps your belly and you can actually see the shock waves that it’s time to change!

Looking back there were a series of slip ups. Since this post is all about sorting out wrong doings, reasoning with myself in words rather than my head. I thought I’d do this confessional style. So here is what I’m admitting too, this is why I have to change – in more ways than one eventually, let’s just start with body image. I accept it was all my fault. Hallelujah! There I said it. I’m here moaning about the state of my body but I’m the only one to blame.

Admission number 1: the 4 stone weight gain was totally my fault, in hindsight McDonald’s for tea after work a couple times a month (ok every week and a kfc) was a bit of a stupid decision!

Admission number 2: exercises whilst pregnant! Hahaha! I just about managed to roll out of bed and get my shoes on! I did walk alot, probably would have been better walking without devouring the 4 pack of magnums that became a regular in my handbag. What wasn’t my fault was the SPD and the back spasms, that was the monster hippo!

Admission number 3: I dressed horrendously! I wore thick long cardigans throughout the end stages, hiding the arms, the butt, the muffin tops (yeah there was more than one!). I’d buy tops from primarni – official trade name – in a size 20 just to ensure maximum coverage, bye bye size 10, nice knowing yoy!

“You know you’ll loose a couple stone straight away”
“Breast feeding burns loads of calories!”
“You’re glowing!”

Admission number 4: I had a 10lb 2oz baby, so yeah I dropped a stone and a half pretty quickly and rather unglamorously. Still ate a whole sharing pack of sausage rolls watching him sleep wrapped in towels as there were no clothes to fit him his first night. Told you he was a hippo!

Admission number 5: I could barely walk for 10 weeks after, no not because I was stitched up down there like a scarecrow! 10 weeks scoffing food on the sofa! Why do people bring cake to visit a new mum? The other half doesn’t cook so convenience was key. Yes I totally agree with you, he’s a feeder, but I physically put food to mouth! Dammit!

Admission number 6: 4 months in, hello depression. The rest is a fog, probably lots of eating chocolate and casserole dishes full of pasta, full loaves of bread etc etc. How I wished I was someone who didn’t eat when stressed! But now that leads to…

Admission number 7: I feel guilty. I did not even attempt to manage a sit up or a reverse crunch, so what did I expect?! Seriously skewed mind thinking I could burn 4000 calories watching tv?

Admission number 8: I’ve decided to do something about it. All by myself. Eventually bye bye fat (I can’t class it as baby weight 2 years later!), laters lard. I’m getting my body back.

So here I am sat on the sofa in my dressing gown and slippers after a McDonald’s for lunch. Guess what, I’ve also completed an insanity workout (yes the title is completely self explanatory) and run 4 miles today too – go me! I’ve still got the best part of 2 stone to loose, I can’t blame the size of my boobs any more. Take me to fat fighters, one way ticket to Australia please. 😉

01/06/16 – 5lb down. Waaaahhhoooo! Celebrating with a chocolate brownie!