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The ‘I’m done with socialising’ phase

Next up in monster child’s repertoire is how to get out of a situation you don’t want to be in, but the mummy does, nope it doesn’t involve a shiteroni or full blown toddler strop! This is something that has been developed for special use, normally when the mummy is having having coffee with a friend (hold up! This probably happens once or twice a year!), or just generally chatting to someone else who isn’t the monster! You almost see him check his watch, put his hands on his hips and tap his foot before launching into ‘must leave right now’ mode.

‘Up!’ He demands. So you stand there and put your hand on their head – reassurance that you know they are there I’ve seen it on a perfect parenting post on pinterest somewhere – other hand is normally possessively grasping a chocolate muffin. “UP!” Eh? Who let the Drill Sergeant Monster in? “Hang on a minute mister” the most popular and utterly useless phrase in my vocabulary. Does he understand? Hell no! “UP UP UUUURGHPPPPP!”, everyone is staring, pick the terror up! “Horay, I’m winning!” He smirks.

Normal conversation can assume, but I’m – now – well aware of what’s to come. Two tiny terror hands clamped over my ears, forcing me to look at him then he let’s go. “Awww Hehehe!” is normally the response the person I’m talking to gives. Aww? What’s cute about this? He’s basically saying ‘Mummy she’s so boring, stop talking to her and look at me instead’, this kid has the ability to make being socially rude cute! The little hands clamp on my ears however many times it takes me to say bye. Increasing in frequency until you can’t say more than one word without whiplash from the monster redirecting your face. He then snuggles me, pretending to be all possessive and clinging on like a baby orangutan until out of eyesight, he then protests that I’m holding him and can’t get away from me quick enough. Little shit! I’ve probably just abandoned a cup full of coffee that I wouldn’t have to wash up, or more importantly a cake that I’d been secretly stuffing in my face. I imagine he would be doing this if he could…

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Tear me away from something I was enjoying, something resembling ‘me time’ (a conversation with another adult now counts at me time!) and then drop me like a fart bomb. Bloody good job I love him. Terror.

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Rhyming with Wine
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11 thoughts on “The ‘I’m done with socialising’ phase

  1. Haha oh man this makes me nervous, what is mine going to be like at that age?! Probably a terror, I swear he already knows when I’m not paying him any attention. Sorry to laugh as I’m sure in the moment it’s very frustrating but this was really funny! The other person is like Awww so cute, and your like WAIT FOR IT. I like your writing style as well. : ) Thanks for linking up with #StayClassy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m still waiting for a time when my children grow out of this stage!! Socialising is now something which I do very little of, my four are the most anti-social children ever, it’s actually embarrassing! All of my conversations are interrupted every few seconds until the point where I just give up! #fartglitter

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  3. I can so visualize him grabbing you by the ears and making you look at him. It must be quite cute to look at as an outsider – but yes I can see how it must drive you a bit potty! Mine is not so much of a grabber, but he also does not stand to have to share my attention in public and will scream in my face until I too walk away from my lovely friend and coffee / cake and go look at some interesting piece of pavement somewhere with him. Herumph. As you say. Good job we love em!
    Thanks for linking up with #fartglitter x

    Liked by 1 person

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