Get your willy off your plate!

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

Haha! That got your attention!

Believe it or not, that is undoubtedly my most used phrase of the day! My toddler is greatly confused by me telling him ‘no!’ willies don’t belong on plates; but he apparently has other ideas and thinks it a convenient or comfy or something like that! Fantastic. They really do start the fascination with what’s in their pants early! I was well prepared for this having a younger brother. So back to willies on plates; we aren’t talking about standing at the table so he can get at the right height or out in public. Maybe I should explain why my monster child has got to this.


We’ve decided we aren’t potty training, we will be waiting till he decides he’s ready – I’ve  heard that’s the easiest way. But there can’t be any harm in making sure he knows what a potty is! However we are also battling eczema and hot weather means he’s running around the house with no clothes on. Prime “see what happens” environment; me attempting to go with the flow, relaxed approach. This morning it bit me in arse as monster ran at me holding his bits through his pj’s shouting “pottttttteeeeeeeeee” whist pissing in his hand and leaving a dripped trail through the lounge. Excellent, but I guess it shows awareness of knowing the process.

We’ve also battled with eczema since the monster was about 4 months old. We’ve tried and tested every cream doing I swear! Been to the GP more times to search for the working potion to help his skin then I have been in my life time. If he gets an infected patch, bam! Hello full body red raw itchy blotchy rash and swollen red eyes. We’ve ruled out food allergies, teething, washing powders, soaps etc. You name it, we’ve avoided it and it’s made absolutely no difference! Heat seems to be the issue. Gotta keep my monster cool, no clothes seems to be the key.

So today its been baking hot – flipping fab, I love it – completely born in the wrong climate! So I’d set up a lovely picnic lunch in the garden, him in the shade and me in the sun. I sit down and over comes the naked monster, squats and hovers above his plate before sitting so close to his plate that he can place his willy on it, so that’s exactly what he does! He didn’t even look at me first to see what my reaction would be he just goes for it, “Noooooo! Get your willy off your food” he looks very perplexed. Have we not had a ‘this is your willy’ chat? I think we have. Get it out your pasta salad! He refuses. I threaten a nappy. He shuffles forward more. I go get nappy, he has a melt down. Bloody excellent. I’m sorry sir but this is one you are not winning, I know I’m no chef but pissing on your plate is an extreme way of avoiding food. 

Definately going to the shops tomorrow for pants as a way of covering up whilst still having nappy free time. Please tell me you lot with little boy monsters have awkward willy moments too!

Any things you never thought you’d hear yourself say PM me I’m putting a little list together!


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Diary of an imperfect mum



65 thoughts on “Get your willy off your plate!

  1. Love it! I Was laughing away on the train to work, and then had the sudden, sobering thought that I almost certainly have these scenes in my immediate future. Piglet hates wearing clothes. #tribe

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh how I laughed I’m sorry but it’s the way you tell it ! So so funny and as a mum of 3 girls I can laugh a little longer! Altho we did have the ball in the penis incident a few years ago when my my eldest was hit between the legs by a ball and screamed out ‘ouch my penis’ middle child has never let a single day go past with out reminding her at least once 😂😂😂

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  3. So funny! Yep there’s something about boys I think! So strange the things we hear ourselves say each day too. We are taking the relaxed approach to potty training too, I will keep an eye out for any tips or progress from you. #triballove

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  4. I’m definitely feeling relieved that I have a daughter at the moment, aha. Although potty training isn’t very straigh forward with her either. On the few occasions she’s managed to use the potty, she hasn’t let me throw it away. She much prefers screeching “look” and pointing it out to the postman or whoever happens to be nearby at the time x

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  5. Hahaha my son is obsessed with his willy too!! He takes off his nappy and just wants to sit there and prod at it or rub it on his toys or the couch, it’s crazy!! Eczema is awful, we really struggled with my youngest, he ended up under a consultant as it got so bad, we had to use wet wraps each day and countless medications, now he is two he has just about started to grow out of it. Fingers crossed. #fartglitter

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  6. Haha- oh my! We’re not quite there yet. Our tot isn’t really into his yet. I thought he understood about different private parts until he pointed at my nipples in the bath the other day and announced ‘ Mama’s penis!’. Hmm, back to the drawing board.


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  7. I don’t do willys!! (5 daughters) my stepson was 21 when he survived 8 months living with us. However, your post made me laugh and I know from friends with boys that they just love getting their willys out! Poor wee thing with the eczema…I hope you find a cure…as well as pants! Alison #fartglitter

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  8. This post title made me laugh out loud! I have a daughter so have never had a willy conversation, though it’s my understanding that boys go through a phase when they’re pretty fascinated by them. For some boys, I think this phase lasts well into adulthood. 🙂 #bigpinklink

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  9. Ohhhhh yes!!! We are right there with you in the no-pants, go with the flow stage and there are just willies dangling around in most things most of the time…you get used to it after a while, dont you find?!!!


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  10. Hilarious. My most said word today has been willy. If it makes you feel better these are phrases I’ve used:

    Please put your willy away
    No I don’t need to see your willy
    Please don’t wave your willy around
    Your brother doesn’t want your willy in his face
    Please don’t pretend to wee
    Please don’t wee.

    willy. willy. willy #fartglitter…..

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  11. Haha so funny!my boy is obsessed with his willy and as we’re potty training him he runs around with it out all the time! He’s not tried to put it in his good though…yet!!I hope your little man gets bored of doing this soon!xx #Fartglitter

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  12. Putting the willies aside for a moment ( *disapproving look down nose* ) im totally with you on the eczema. I am convinced its just heat that aggravates it in my two year old, but the pharmacist was trying to get me to drop dairy and wheat from her diet. Wheat ? No cereal? I dont think so. Now, back to those willies.

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  13. Hahaha this is so funny. I’m laughing on the bus and people are looking at me strangely. I have not encountered this situation YET (as you may know my son is only 6 months) but I can’t wait! (Sarcastic voice). Your son sounds like a strong character lol. Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #StayClassy!

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  14. A willy on a plate is soooo funny… If you’re not Mum! My son had a thing about his willy too. Most embarrassing moment? Was when we were queuing at a supermarket checkout and when I turned round my son had his willy hanging out of the top of his trousers and was giving it a good tug… He must have been about six at the time. I died!


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  15. Willy on a plate, willy on a plate, wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble… (etc.) This is brilliant! So funny – NC is only 10 months still but I see him eyeing his willy up already. Thanks for letting me know what might be to come… #FridayFrolics

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  16. Daughters aren’t great either – my eldest will often shove her hands down her knickers in public for a quick bum scratch! #fridayfrolics

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  17. Willies! A constant source of amusement and entertainment. Mine are 2 and 6, there’s a lot of willy talk. This post really made me laugh.
    P.S Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturising Lotion with Shea Butter was the only thing that worked for my son, better than anything the doctors gave us (if you haven’t tried it already)
    Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Haha! Well, this is hilarious & I am now appreciating the benefits of having two girls! Not that they don’t do plenty of crazy things themselves, but at least no genitals have been in the pasta salad! 😉

    Thanks so much for linking up with #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next week!

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  19. Pingback: Friday Frolics
  20. I burst out laughing when the title came up, it certainly did get my attention. This is definitely a boy pastime, when my friends sons were about 3 & 4 they used to walk through the kitchen when she had visitors and ‘flash’ at every opportunity & run away hysterically laughing.

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  21. I think they’re always destined to be obsessed with them. N’s not too bad most of the time but he does have a tendency to prod and pull it about during and after bathtime. I have to tell him it’s not what others want to see and hopefully he doesn’t do it at school. #ablogginggoodtime

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  22. Aveeno is what I use for it too! The best phrase I used last week was ‘Cats are not for licking’…I feel like I am loosing my marbles lol. Do you have colourful plates maybe he was thinking plate and potty are similar-they both are a similar shape and begin with P? My five your old likes to run in in the mornings and shout my winky loves the morning..he is huge! ..it is only going to get worse as they get older! Thank you for linking to #ablogginggoodtime xx

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  23. Lol with two girls, I don’t have this specific problem but they’re still quite interested in what’s going on down there! I’ve also decided to wait until they’re ready to potty train, which I’m hoping is when they’re 18 lol

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