Get your willy off your plate!

Haha! That got your attention!

Believe it or not, that is undoubtedly my most used phrase of the day! My toddler is greatly confused by me telling him ‘no!’ willies don’t belong on plates; but he apparently has other ideas and thinks it a convenient or comfy or something like that! Fantastic. They really do start the fascination with what’s in their pants early! I was well prepared for this having a younger brother. So back to willies on plates; we aren’t talking about standing at the table so he can get at the right height or out in public. Maybe I should explain why my monster child has got to this.

We’ve decided we aren’t potty training, we will be waiting till he decides he’s ready – I’ve  heard that’s the easiest way. But there can’t be any harm in making sure he knows what a potty is! However we are also battling eczema and hot weather means he’s running around the house with no clothes on. Prime “see what happens” environment; me attempting to go with the flow, relaxed approach. This morning it bit me in arse as monster ran at me holding his bits through his pj’s shouting “pottttttteeeeeeeeee” whist pissing in his hand and leaving a dripped trail through the lounge. Excellent, but I guess it shows awareness of knowing the process.

We’ve also battled with eczema since the monster was about 4 months old. We’ve tried and tested every cream doing I swear! Been to the GP more times to search for the working potion to help his skin then I have been in my life time. If he gets an infected patch, bam! Hello full body red raw itchy blotchy rash and swollen red eyes. We’ve ruled out food allergies, teething, washing powders, soaps etc. You name it, we’ve avoided it and it’s made absolutely no difference! Heat seems to be the issue. Gotta keep my monster cool, no clothes seems to be the key.

So today its been baking hot – flipping fab, I love it – completely born in the wrong climate! So I’d set up a lovely picnic lunch in the garden, him in the shade and me in the sun. I sit down and over comes the naked monster, squats and hovers above his plate before sitting so close to his plate that he can place his willy on it, so that’s exactly what he does! He didn’t even look at me first to see what my reaction would be he just goes for it, “Noooooo! Get your willy off your food” he looks very perplexed. Have we not had a ‘this is your willy’ chat? I think we have. Get it out your pasta salad! He refuses. I threaten a nappy. He shuffles forward more. I go get nappy, he has a melt down. Bloody excellent. I’m sorry sir but this is one you are not winning, I know I’m no chef but pissing on your plate is an extreme way of avoiding food. 

Definately going to the shops tomorrow for pants as a way of covering up whilst still having nappy free time. Please tell me you lot with little boy monsters have awkward willy moments too!

Any things you never thought you’d hear yourself say PM me I’m putting a little list together!

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