And a totally relaxing weekend was had by all. Not.

*this is a long post, it might be a bit boring for some so feel free to skim read/ignore the blabber/click the back arrow, its not too late!*

We’d planned a long weekend away, even strapped a poorly toddler into the car, there’s is no chance of any cancellations! We decided a weekend in Surrey would be fabulous. I’m not going to do a step by step diary of my days out because that would be totally boring. Let’s just go over the bits that had me wanting to sell my childtie the monster from the top of the Cutty Sark glue his bottom to the naughty step forever! I note these are all things that are generally frowned upon.

Our weekend started fantasticly when the other half drives straight past the m25 turning and we add an extra hour to our journey driving through Kingston! Nothing says happy Friday like bumper to bumper traffic at 6pm- if that was what we were looking for we’d have driven for 15 minutes up the road and joined the Glastonbury queue for the heck of it!

The relief of parking the car was a massive celebratory sigh. A sniff and a little cry from the back seat. I give him his dues, the monster was poorly. Normally the terror sits back and checks new people out before deciding if he likes them or not, this time he’d entwined himself in my cardi (yes I’m approaching *cough* 30, cardis are totally acceptable!) So tightly it was cutting off the circulation to my arms. Meeting new people always involves a bit of ‘you chase me and I’ll chase you’, the terror pretends he’s shy and coyly peeps out from behind my legs; fast forward 5 minutes and he’s rummaging in your handbag and destroyed your house – his poor great great auntie and uncle. Safe to say he slept well that night.

The next day the trial began. Trying to stop your toddler crying at 6:30 am in someone else’s house is always fun, especially when he’s crying just because he knows your panicking about his crying! He’s a little shit don’t you know! There was more snotty nosed hanging around in bumper to bumper traffic in the queue for the festival of speed. We had a mixed bag of emotions at Goodwood. Watching your toddler jumping around infront of 100 people to a live funky brass band playing a song called “make your screw face”, clambering his muddy footprints on the seats brand new cars so he can test the steering lock and then adopting the ‘throw your arms in the air so mummy can’t pick you up’ manoeuvre when its a grown ups turn whos actually interested in buying the thing, the screaming that happened when there’s an extremely pricey car or helicopter they won’t even let him look at without prepping the valeting invoice!

He spent a good 5 minutes looking over some very posh blokes shoulder in the grandstand whilst he was texting/playing candy crush, or what ever posh blokes do on their iPhones! Then we (monster child and I) spent a few hours trudging around muddy fields getting soaked to the bone with the never ending rain and growing more and more grump. Throw in me having a panic attack and the other half chucking a cup of hot coffee over me; safe to say we won’t be going next year!

The next day we decide to visit some places in London. Great! Monster child will love the underground and the buses! The first tube we get on we end up carriage hopping avoiding the bloke drugged up to his eyeballs -beautiful! Monster is a star with the tube jumping and underground drear, some squirming and wanting to stand by himself on the seat, a bit of restraining methods used. What really hacked me off was when I was sat on a seat with a nearly zonked 2 year old on my lap and others who I wouldn’t class as elderly gave me that look, like they expected me to stand and offer my seat, I had a little ranty scene to myself – me: oh I thought I saw someone but oh no they’ve gone, you might be stood crotch to eye level but I CANNOT SEE YOU! *looks down at toddlers head for rest of journey*. The DLR was his favourite train journey, like a really slow roller coaster with the front seats, he pretended to drive the whole way, including irrational horn beeping and telling daddy to “get ooorfff” when trying to hold him steady. He doesn’t get his road rage off me!

Tantrums were plentyful. We had a melt down in front of the royal naval college, tower Bridge and any other time he was too tired to wall but too stubborn to sit down! The worst one yet outside Strada in the warf when the wind blew his crisps down the path into the water! In 2 minutes he’d gone from bat shit crazy to “fishes yum yum crispies gobble gobble!” What the?? Strange child! But apparently our hosts thought the monster is a “very laid back boy!” And so impeccably behaved, I was rather dumbfounded by those comments: who my kid? The little shit on the floor pretending to be jelly so no one can put him in the pushchair?

This is when I was reminded that he’s only a little shit to me because I’m the only person that is bothered by his behaviour. Actually, on the scale of things it’s nothing to get the blood pressure up for! He’s two, he should be head strong and testing the boundries, learning how to behave in public. It’s fine, I can say that, he’s currently tucked up in bed fast asleep. All monsters are angels when they are sleeping right??

Anyway I could go on, but I’m quite bored of my own waffling. There’s a night at a posh hotel in guildford that u wasn’t mightily impressed with either but I’ll save that for TripAdvisor! Thanks for reading. How do you cope with these tantrums? Like I said up there a few sentences ago, take an out of body experience and look down at the wailing child and remember – he’s learning, developing and more importantly it the favourite parenting phrase “it’s just a phase!”.


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32 thoughts on “And a totally relaxing weekend was had by all. Not.

  1. It’s just a phase keeps me sane! Wow that was quite some weekend… was there any silver coating? J hated the tube so London has been avoided ever since our very short trip there. You are right with the sense that they know when their crying stresses you out too. Clever little things 😉 hope you had a treat when you got home to recover?

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  2. I usually just mumble out “Awww she’s tired” whenever Mini is a little terror. Most of the time it’s completely accurate, that doesn’t mean that she will nap though…she’s currently nattering to herself on her crib after spending half the morning “patting me” and insisting on being on my lap only to jump off two seconds later!

    Lucy xx

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  3. I liked the image of him dancing to, “make your screw face”, whatever that is! I think you always see your own child’s tantrums through a magnifying glass, so they are never as bad to other people.mnot that makes you feel any better at the time. #Stayclassymama

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  4. oh I really felt for you through this and I know that it’s not hugely helpful but he will come through it – goodness you’d probably worked that out for yourself but I know what it’s like when you just can’t imagine that life will ever be different. I think it’s interesting how children pick up on most our vibes of perhaps when we aren’t our most relaxed so they react to that in a stressed way that we really are not in a fit place at that particular time equipped to best handle – lots of parenting coaches talking about preparing ourselves first so that we can handle the tantrum – but in all fairness I believe that if we are prepared the tantrum most probably wont happen – oh look I’m waffling but just my thoughts for what they are worth! Treat yourself to a pa weekend on the basis of it being a parenting necessity! #stayclassy

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  5. It is a stage. It is a stage. I repeat it often to myself … and no, you’re not alone in wanting to thump anyone who says your child must be tired. Only I am allowed to say it, even though it is the most obvious thing … I feel for you. Have a good weekend coming! #stayclassymama

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  6. I usually eye roll, sigh, eye roll some more, threaten to chuck favourite toys in the bin, forevermore banish biscuits, then blame myself for being a shit mum! I’d freeze in anticipatory horror at the crisps going in the river, haha. #momsterslink

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  7. I’m sorry you had a rough trip. We went out last weekend and will again this weekend and I’m nervous. Last weekend my toddler spent the entire 4hr car ride screaming. Tomorrow we have a 6hr car ride and there will be no wine in sight when I reach my destination. I hope things get better for you on trips. And yes I also tell myself that everything is “just a phase”. #TribalLove

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  8. Back from #StayClassyMama, damn girl I just re-read this and you had QUITE a weekend. I am always saying ‘it’s just a phase,’ do you think I will ever NOT be saying ‘it’s just a phase’? lol Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

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  9. A brave move going away with a poorly little one… I completely feel for you. Having been in the phase for a year now (stroppy screamy threenager) it no longer has any magic for me. Don’t worry about the underground… it is always like that. I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, huge, and the platform announcer actually got onto the tube to make someone stand up for me (seasoned commuter). Need a holiday to recover? 🙂 Thank you for linking up to the #dreamteam – I do love a good honest post. xx


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