I have been a bit worried that I have been loosing my writing mono recently. My toddler had run out of new things to do/say/cause problems that would launch a tirade of furious tapping on my cracked smart phone screen. Desperate to jot it down before it disappears into the mum fog of my mind. Now I’m slumped on the sofa with a cup of coffee and just consumed 4 (packed lunch size) chocolate bars, monster child might be napping upstairs – he’s quiet and his door is closed , that counts right? – and I reckon I have about 5 minutes to come up with a new post.
I’m shattered, barely keeping my eyes open here. I got up once last night so can’t be tired because of that, just a normal toddler bed initiation, I had to fish a screaming very confused toddler out from under neath his bed at 3:39am. But today I swear 10 hours have passed since 11am – it’s 3pm now. What have I been up to? Well, family fun day type of thing at a local trust place (not natonal trust). I hate these things. I didn’t intend to go, but then what else would I be doing? Certainly nothing more exciting! So I went. And then came home. What happened in between? A lot of arguing with a stroppy stubborn terror child. These are our shit times today (thankfully no literal shit times), we queued and we queued and we queued in the right queue eventually, we paid to get in, no sooner had we walked through the stone doorway terror demanded “up!” hanging off my belt (I learnt the no belt and toddler hanging off top of jeans lesson already!). Yeah, alright, back pack and toddler and bag of picnic necessities, just call me mummy the pack horse. We spread our picnic blanket out in prime seating space to watch the sheep dog chase a flock of very tall ducks around a litrue obstacle course. Terror eats crisps without touching any other food group, and then proceeds to run around like a duck, shoe covered feet straight through my lunch. Fab.
A walk would be lovely wouldn’t it? Through the formal gardens and into the woods, around the ponds and a little rest in each pergola. “Up” Back pack on back, bag in hand, toddler under arm and away we go. There’s no denying that thus child knows exactly how to get what he wants. “Walking” he states and down he goes. Leading the way around the gravelled pathways, filling his pockets with stones and handfuls of dirt. Oh no, a hill “carry!”. Oh no a corner “carry!”, oh no a tree “carry!” probably a ‘carry’ request every 30 seconds? Oh no a stream “down! Walking!” Hell no, ah ok down you go. Run, run, look to see if mummy is watching in amazement how I’m getting to use my extra energy…splat. Trip over the smallest pebble ever and commence crying, “carry!”.
Why! Why do they do that? They protest and cry and refuse to move unless they are carried. Then 10 steps later off they want to go, normally running. All that energy yet he was far too tired to even stand 10 seconds ago! No, don’t hold my hand despite the several warnings that you will fall over and you will cry. This was the monster today, I lugged him around then he saw a circle of stones and that was it, he spent a whole 5 minutes running around it but couldn’t possible managed two steps away from it. Argh! He sat on the floor in the middle of a path and stared with evil eyes at anyone who stopped to ask him if he was tired. If they had suggested I carried him I would have grabbed them by their ears and flung them in the stream myself.
Point of this post? Days with children can be hard. The other parent will completely have no idea why you are shattered and want to go to bed before the toddler. Top tip: always have wine in the fridge and an emergency stash of chocolate. It’s ok to have days like this.
It’s worse when you have a depressed side of you. You have a “bad” day and you spend hours going over it, wondering if this is the start of something; this shouldn’t make me feel like this, why can’t I just be ok with this, I’m the only person in the world who gets irritated by their child. No you are not everyone hates their child at least 5 times a day, it is ok! It can just be a bad day. 😊 Now I need wine and a meal that has carbs in it, if anyone needs me i’ll be in an alcohol soaked food coma. (To justify the carbs I have walked 5 miles carrying a 2 stone toddler and 2 bags – dammit diet brain naff off!)