Well well well, what a blast we’ve had since I last whittled on about potty training! Sense the sarcasm? We’ve stepped it up a notch and went a whole week wearing pants – I’m on about the child by the way! Hooray! I hear you chime! Hold your horses, we’ve not cracked it just yet! Here’s a run through of my big boy pants week.
Do you need the potty? Do you need the potty? Do you need the potty? I spent our first day asking the above questions about 5 times every minute, if he has the vocabulary he would have definitely told me to sod off. We decided to give it another bash as when getting dressed the terror demanded “no nappy mummy!” Swiftly followed by crouching over the potty and peeing (insert horah here). I spent the whole day inside the house, in fear of watching my toddler pee himself in a public place, or even worse – poo! Day 1 was a complete smasher, not one single accident, just a mummy with a hoarse voice for asking ‘do you need a wee wee?’ for 12 solid hours!
Oh my God you are a potty training genius…er maybe not. Day 2, and I could not spend another full day trapped at home! So we went food shopping. Pushing it aren’t i? As soon as that little bottom wee’d in the potty I whipped him out into the car and drove very sensibly to the local Aldi – yup I food shop smart, well I try! Potty set up in the car park and about 220 seconds of interrogation to ensure there was no possibility of a little wee sneaking out. He was bloody amazing! Just before the till he starts jiggling around, ‘do you need a wee wee?’ Monster child responded ‘wee wee quick pott-eeeeee!’. Trolley abandoned whilst informing shop worker ‘I’m coming back for it’ as I peg it out the shop with a toddler under my arm trying very carefully not to squash his bladder! Success! Wee in Aldi car park on a potty, kerching! Fast forward 5 hours and he’s stood peeing on the carpet next to the tv far too enthralled in Masha and the bear. Can’t win them all!
You can pee on the grass like the doggy! Yes that was something I suggested to monster whilst walking Grandmas dog in a field. I can’t take a potty everywhere without a genuine Mary Poppins bag! He’d had 1 accident all day prior to forgetting to pull down his shorts in the middle of the field – valid point the doggy doesn’t wear shorts! Terror child then refused to walk, cue urine soaked piggy bag, luckily Grandma volunteered!
He’s wearing pants. I told his nursery worker as soon as I got in the door. ‘Oh are you potty training?’ Why do I feel I’m being judged? I explain how we are just trying (day 3!) and seeing what happens and he’s been a superstar so far. I feel like one of those tiger mums (?!), pushy parent that expects her 2 year old to be able to use the toilet, do advanced algebra and speak fluent Mandarin. When I pick him up at the end of the day fully expecting him to be nappied up with 20 outfit changes to wash, they praise how well he’s done, 2 accidents all day. However the monster child could literally not give a shit!
Quick potty! Quick potty! It took for ever to get home on day 4. After his 2 accidents at nursery – I’m guessing one just happened as I got there. We stopped at every lay by on the way home, every fricking one, he squeezed out the littlest wee every time. I swear he was laughing inside when I explained panicking that he was going to soak the back of my car that ‘mummy is driving on the motorway I cannot just stop right this second, wait a minute’ x 10. Little terror couldn’t manage to pee out a drop!
Noooooo naaaappeeeeeeeee! He squealed as I wrestled him into a nappy, potty training and being in town does not go, the toilets are manky! He accompanied me to the toilet at lunchtime and told everyone on the way back to the table that mummy had done a ‘big wee wee good girl!’ Little sod! He had also done a wee wee on the toilet, so to celebrate we all had pudding! Haha! At bed time he had a dry nappy, horah!
And so the journey continues! How or how long for I do not have a clue! I’m going with the flow – pun intended. Day 7 he shat on the floor and requested to wear a nappy, half an hour later he’s peeing in the toilet! Work that out! He’s only just 2, the whole thing could be a phase! Join us next time for Advanced potty training.