Well the Non-Wobbly train derailed…

I was doing so well! 😭

If I had a bowl full of clotted cream ice cream and butterscotch sauce in my hands right now – I’d have demolished the lot – I’d be crying into it too ashamed to even contemplate consuming it! When I say that I was doing so well…I mean, I thought I was. The scale or the tape measure didn’t budge an inch or a sniff of an ounce for the (2 months?! That’s practically forever) I was trying to get skinny; honestly, hand on heart trying! Promise! 

The running several miles a week – dragging my legging clad lard arse 5 miles at a time around the place I live aka my natural habitat, ever hear of the Exmoor beast? I’d pretend that fat free natural yogurt and fruit for breakfast was so yummy that I’d managed to trick the terror toddler into trying it every day! Somehow I was obtaining the magical ten thousand steps once week, which is at least a whole 9500 more than my normal range. I wasn’t even eating the toddler monsters left overs – sneaky half packet of crisps, crusts off his sandwiches or even teaching him to “share” any of his treats. I can swear on the bible (if you’re in to that kind of thing) that I only followed dinner with pudding twice during this time! 

So why the fuck am I still fat? Okay, so my fat and someone else’s fat might be different, some might not consider me fat at all! The thing is i’m 5″9, blessing and a curse all rolled into one; spreads the fat out over a longer distance & I can never wear a jumpsuit. I know deep down that I can’t possibly be pre baby me – I wasn’t even happy then, even at 9st4. So why can’t I just live in my skin and man up? Err…because women don’t do that kinda shit. (Where is this post going? I have no idea! My thumb keeps tapping away at my phone screen and this shit appears!) It’s set in our DNA to compare ourselves to completely perfectly maintained mummies of instagram, or the airbrushed to oblivion mummy celebs with personal chef/make up artists/personal trainer/nanny/financial advisor/bum wiper. I bet Kim K looks like a hobbit in real life, hairy toes and all!

We have the desire for what is completely unreasonable and unobtainable and completely nothung a human can replicate.

So, I’m going to get back on that metaphorical diet train with a first class ticket. I’ve purchased the lean in 15 cook book, things are getting serious. You can see my attempts at the dishes on my instagram. If I don’t look like barbie in another 2 months I’m going to be entirely blaming Joe Wicks and I’m going to sulk like a threenager! 

So far, I’m on day 3 of eating clean. I am ravenous, thinking about becoming a lunch theif at work and stealing people’s lunches from the fridge, I have chained myself to my desk for my own lack of willpowers sake. Ignore my hunger cries, section me if I’m caught chewing the corner of my desk.

Wish me luck. 

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