The flasher stage: advanced level potty training…

…if you can call it that! 

We (the monster child) have been nappy free for a couple of weeks now. Fist bump the air in a Chandler style celebration, he’ll yeah! It’s not been an easy road to travel, also I understand from other parents stories probably a lot smoother than some! My boy has excellent timing, he was obviously just waiting for daddy to buy a mega haul of nappies! 

So far you’ve maybe read a few of my other trials and tribulations trying the ‘seeing how it goes/not sure if I really want my 2 year old potty trained yet/holy shit he’s peeing on the potty already’ approach. I’ve learnt a lot, drank a lot, and got through a considerable amount of that big pink carpet cleaning brand – carpet in bathrooms, why the hell is that an option?!? 

There are a few things I’ve learnt along the way that I would like to share:

Stickers don’t mean jack shit! Toddlers don’t deal in stickers; if you mean business they know you have to trade (bribe) in sweets! They already know that going for a poo in the potty is a bigger deal than a wee and will expect a substantial reward, three or four sweets, normally just before bedtime – your turn for bedtime stories daddy, I’m off to hide! 

Boys are lazy! Front page news that huh? There’s something in a boys brain that bypasses the need to pee. They can be happily playing then, bam! I need a wee right NOW! 2 paces from the potty is far too long. It’s like they’ve been fighting the urge for the last half hour. I have been warned that this does go on way into adulthood.

Be prepared to handle shit. All kinds of shit – it’s a bit like owning a puppy. It’s when they shit on the stairs and don’t tell you, or you find skid marks on a chair and play hunt the poo (that actually revealed to be chocolate that he had helped himself too and thought he would get away with it if he said it was poo and helped mummy look for it!). 

There will be a moment where it all goes fabulously and then back tracks to accidents galore. It’s like right of passage, just keeping you on your toes and reminding you how thankful you will be if he pees on the potty again. Do not promise a pony or trips to Disney Land – it is a farce!

Wee, poo and willy’s are funny. Even for a 2 year old. Whether it’s shitting in your pants and watching mummy cutting them off you to avoid horrendous mess. Peeing in the grass, or on a tree or the floor outside or a kerbside on a packed fast dual carriageway. Willy’s can be popped out of pants and pajamas and shaken around for entertainment, and if you really want to embarrass mummy ask her where her willy is in the middle of a shop full of old ladies, pull your trousers down at the park to see if it’s still there, tell everyone at nursery that your willy is Thomas the choo choo (he was wearing Thomas pants!). Don’t get me started on “no poo! Poo in here (points to bum) no wee wee! Wee wee in here (points to willy)” biology genius in the making! 

You don’t have to carry a potty everywhere children will wee anywhere! They just need a responsible adult to make sure they are pointing the right direction when being held aloft; girls included! Peeing on adults feet is not nice, children will find this hilarious! 

They will want to wee 500 times before they go to bed. My child does love bedtime and volunteers to get into bed and tells me to leave the room, but he still waits for me to put on his night time nappy before calling the poo card. To which he’ll sit for a couple hours if he was allowed.

It gets better. Bit of a general statement I know, but once the novelty of peeing into a potty wears off they really don’t need to go every 10 minutes! It’s a lot easier to pull pants up in public toilets – no more debating if I’m giving my child some kind of infectious disease from bathroom floors! Changing bag? Oh no, mummy might be able to buy a new handbag to celebrate! I’ll be saving money as clothes will last an extra year with less padding on their scrawny little bums! Bonus! 

I’m sure there’s more learning to do, there always is, especially as we’ve had a few dry nappies at night time now. I am dreading the moment we go back to sleepless nights because he’s pee’d the bed. I will follow up with a post once I have something to challenge one of my favourite posts by The Parenting Jungle, just click here for a chuckle! Standing up to pee? Oh my goodness, the fun continues! I caught him stood over his potty willy ready to aim earlier – give my carpets a break for a little while please!!! 

I’m sure that willy and bum talk will be a topic of regular discussion on this blog, I’ll show them to all his girlfriends when he’s older! Hahaha! 

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